When I was Fearless by Emma Pass
What comes to mind when you hear the word 'fearless'? Flinging yourself off a bridge, with only a bungee rope tied around your ankle keeping you from a watery death? Climbing Mount Everest? Skydiving? Swimming with sharks?
But there are other ways to be fearless. And sometimes, you don't even know it's happening.
When I was 19, I left home to go to university. I was going to study Fine Art, and I was lucky enough to have a choice of places where I could go: Winchester, Brighton or Bournemouth, all of which were less than 2 hours away from home, or Falmouth, which was about 6 hours away.
I chose Falmouth. Nothing unusual about that, you might say – it was in Cornwall, by the sea, an art college with a great reputation. Who wouldn't choose to go there? But I was an anxious teenager who didn't even like having to leave the house to buy a bottle of milk. Years of bullying at school had left me insecure and terrified to talk to people I didn't know. I spent most of my time at home, hiding in my room and writing stories. So moving almost 300 miles away, alone, was a huge deal for me at the time.
But I was sick of being so scared all the time. Subconsciously – and consciously, too – I knew the only way I could get out of the rut I'd worked myself into was to make a clean break of it, and go somewhere where I knew I couldn't just run home if I was feeling lonely or homesick.
Still, the enormity of what I'd done didn't really sink in until I was there, alone in my rented room on the bottom floor of a cavernous, marina-side house. My dad had just driven away after dropping me and my posessions off. Upstairs, my landlady, a dour, silent woman, was thumping around. I knew no one. There was nowhere to go. University didn't start for another two days. It was a definite Oh, sh*t, what have I done? moment.
But although the first six weeks were rough, and many times, I was this close to blowing my student loan on a one-way train ticket home, things did start to improve. I made friends with a girl who ended up introducing me to the guy who would later become my boyfriend, and is now my husband. I made many other friends there and had fun – real fun – for the first time in years as the anxieties and insecurities that had dogged me all through school lifted away. And although I found out that painting wasn't for me, I learnt how to work for myself.
If I hadn't taken that first step and been fearless enough to move away, despite the voice in my head screaming at me not to, I wouldn't have the life I have now. I wouldn't have the friends I have now. Even if you're scared, sometimes you just have to go for it anyway.
THE FEARLESS BLOG TOUR SCHEDULE
4/20 - Addicted Readers – Interview
4/21 - My Book Muse – Review and Signed Giveaway
4/22 - Xpresso Reads – Playlist Post
4/23 - A Dream Within A Dream – Review and Signed Giveaway
4/24 - Chapter by Chapter – Review and Top Favs Interview
4/27 - Pandora’s Books – Interview
4/28 - The Irish Banana – Guest Post
4/29 - SciFi Chick.com – Guest Post
4/30 - Dark Faerie Tales – Review and Dream Character Casting
5/1 - Mundie Moms - Guest Post
5/4 - Supernatural Snark – Guest Post
5/5 – Ex Libris – Guest Post
5/6 – Step Into Fiction – Review and Signed Giveaway
5/7 – IceyBooks – Quote Candy
5/8 - A Life Bound By Books – Interview